The Secret Life of Dave

What could possibly be interesting about a day in the life of a Beagle, you might ask? Well, prepare to be enthralled.  Please allow me to introduce myself, my name is Dave and my human/social media manager is called Sophie. While many know me to be a lazy and unmotivated hound, I am thrilled to have this opportunity to provide an exposé into a day in my real life, not just the one that plays out on Instagram. Let me take you on a journey behind the scenes and provide you with a glimpse into my daily routine and the excitement that ensues.

A typical day starts around 4 am when it becomes a little too hot in the queen bed.  At this time (and particularly on weekends), I like to thrash aggressively until I can find a spot with the ideal temperature. This will generally require enough movement to karate kick Sophie in the neck and ensure that she is unable to get back to sleep before getting up for work. I, however, will then sleep soundly whilst snoring like a full-size male adult until rudely awakened again.

In the morning, the human tries to take me out for a walk, but what she does not seem to grasp is that I am unable to function before at least two espressos and half a grapefruit. As punishment for not providing my desired breakfast, I like to take charge of this morning jaunt and refuse to go anywhere other than in my preferred direction. If she attempts to steer me an alternative way, I like to humiliate her by rolling on my back and utilizing those leg thrashing movements again, writhing like a tantrum-throwing toddler until she obeys me.

Over time, I have managed to perfect the look of a dog who is traumatized by their owner leaving them alone. The truth is, I long for the moment she goes so I can get some peace and quiet or work on my memoirs, which I eventually plan to release as an audiobook or podcast series. When Sophie leaves the house every morning for wherever it is that humans go between 9-5, she tosses me treats which, whilst not my absolute favorite, will do the job for snacks later when watching Netflix. Once she is gone, the real fun begins.

I have a variety of visitors timetabled throughout the week, including my personal trainer Jeff on a Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and a masseuse called Dominic who is scheduled on the off days just to keep my hamstrings loose and monitor a recurring neck issue I have from falling asleep in strange positions on the couch. The human has arranged for dog walkers to come and take me out a couple of times a week, which eases her guilt for leaving me at home. Unfortunately, I am encouraged to mingle with other dogs at these times and as a naturally unsociable individual, I simply humor everyone with some cursory sniffs until they let me go home again.

By this time, I am normally tired and ready for an afternoon nap. Sophie seems to think I sleep all day…if only she knew. Before I settle down for a snooze, I like to listen to some music to help me relax. I have a Spotify playlist called “relaxing classics” and I am a huge fan of Bach and Debussy. On particularly stressful days, I often take the time for some mindful meditation before hitting the sack for a siesta.

Humans are a predictable species and I know mine’s routine by heart. I set an alarm to wake up before she gets home so I can order some decent food for home delivery. I have an arrangement with the local Japanese restaurant near the house and they drop in a sashimi platter with miso soup in return for a quick stroke of my ears.

Just before Sophie returns home, I resume my position on the couch. Once I hear the key in the door, I know it is time to pretend that I am overwhelmed with excitement to have her back.  I do not like to exert too much energy and come across as needy, but I give her just enough love to prevent her from feeling inadequate.

The last job for the day is to indulge her in a walk. Between you and me, she is not very active and I think taking me out is a good way to make sure she maintains some degree of healthy exercise. Once we get home and I have helped eat half her evening meal (just to ensure she does not overdo the calorie intake), then it is time for some serious shuteye. If I feel particularly generous, I will allow her to join me on the couch and then in my queen bed.

As you can see, it is a busy job being a beagle, and I am sure other dogs will be inclined to agree (despite the common belief that it’s a case of eat, sleep, repeat.)  I am pleased to have had the opportunity to shine a light on the daily struggle of sharing a house with a human and trying to deal with their insecurities and habits.

Share the secret escapades of your canine housemate in the comments below.

Sophie Friggens

I’m Sophie, Dave the Beagle’s human. Together we make a pretty good team, sharing a love of Netflix, BBQ Chicken, and sleep! I am originally from the UK but have lived in Australia for almost 15 years.